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´I mean, ít´s not that bad,` said Ricardo. ´I´ve had a gun pointed at my head twice, but that was twice in 26 years. You´ll be fine.´
Sao Paulo´s reputation for violent crime and general urban magnitude weighed heavy on my mind. But you know what? It´s not that bad. I should have known after all this time that nowhere is as bad as you´re often led to believe. It´s apparently the fourth biggest city in the world with a population of about 12 million. Some people sound awestruck when they talk about its size.
´Sao Paulo?´ said one man in Uruguay with a distant look in his eyes. ´I remember flying over and it was solid buildings for half an hour´. I was daunted, but when you´re in the middle of it all it feels far less overbearing or hectic than most European capitals. ´That´s because it´s the holidays´, say the locals. ´Wait until February´, they add, indignant that you might be suggesting it´s not that bad after all.
It is huge, sprawling for miles in every direction, except the north where further growth is thwarted by some lush, green mountains. But the central areas are quite easy going. It´s not the futuristic Tokyo-style megalopolis I had expected. Blocks of flats nestle next to older housing and there are cafes on most corners. Brazil´s famed inequality of wealth is not too obvious, although we glimpsed both ends of the spectrum - helicopters flying the top executives in to work, and the homeless shacked up in doorways. There are also many people surviving in a very low wage economy, like the old men who work as human billboards with adverts slung over their shoulders.

We´ve spent much of the time walking around and eating. The cafes here sell really good, cheap food. For about two pounds you can get a plate of rice, chips and beans with a big lump of grilled chicken. And everywhere sells fresh fruit juices (about 60p). But the big revelation is the ´kilo restaurant´ concept. You don´t pay for what you eat, but for how much it weighs. So the advertised price is, say, 50p per 100 grams. You pile it on and get it weighed. If anyone is looking for a new business idea we think this would be a big hit at home. I can see it now, a nationwide chain called ´Kilo´.

We´ve also been to quite a few samba bars and took in a game of football. For any fans out there it was Cortinthians v Paulista in the regional league. Corinthians have recently been relegated to the 2nd division (in the national league) and Paulista are in the third so it was hardly a masterclass in Brazilian football. There were only 9,500 in the 80,000-seater stadium but the die-hard Corinthian fans were still full of passion, spitting out insults (puuuuta merda!! Feeeela da puuuuta!) throughout the match.

I feel I should let you know that everything you thought you knew about Brazil - women in sequins, glorious sunshine etc - is wrong. It rains a lot and gets quite chilly. I think there should be some sort of official apology. In the picture of the Beetle look at the rain washing down the street. Well, it does that most days.
I never got around to writing about Buenos Aires or Uruguay. It seems like a long time ago now but they were both interesting places, particularly Uruguay where everyone religiously drink a tea-like beverage called matte. They do this in Argentina as well but people appeared more devoted in Uruguay. You would see young women on the beach in bikinis with a thermos under one arm. John Shuttleworth would approve.

What could be the greatest dangers in Brazil? Thieves? Gun-toting gangsters? Or, supermarket steps? On New Year’s Eve the lethal combo of flip flops and a wet tiled floor conspired to send Amanda crashing to the ground. Her left elbow caught the force of the blow and split open (see pic). The right buttock also took a bruising (no pic available). Amanda momentarily blacked out and came to with sea of faces looking down, just like in a film. Staff gathered around, one looking nervous with a clipboard and a medic was called for. We had only been in the country for an hour and Ricardo had just picked us up from the bus station.
‘Is this the worst thing that’s happened on your trip?’ he asked sheepishly. ‘Yes’. As the store’s PA system belted out information about the latest offers Amanda had her elbow sewn up. Shoppers passed by with squeamish expressions that appeared to say, ‘I wish I hadn’t looked’. (In Portuguese)
The supermarket is called BIG and it is so big some of the staff get about on rollerskates. It’s owned by the American group Walmart, just like Asda. As we left they were taping off the steps like a crime scene. This experience didn’t really set Amanda up for the usual New Year’s Eve high jinx. Still, we went to Fernanda’s family house at the sea and had a big meal, drank fizzy wine at midnight and went to the beach where the custom is to jump seven waves and make seven wishes.

It made a nice change to swim in the sea on New Year’s Day and then relax with fresh coconut milk. But, like Uruguay, the weather was bad and it rained a lot of the time. This didn’t seem to bother the Brazilians who sat on the beach in the rain under their umbrellas, like British holidaymakers squeezing the most out of the dying days of summer.